What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need ...
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

How does a man keep his youth?
By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?
Wife saying she wants to talk to him.

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital.

What is the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch and the other watches your snatch.

How are men like bank machines?
Once they withdraw they lose interest.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck
and the noose.

Why do men prefer the woman to be on top?
Because men always screw up.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to "Instruction Manuals."